I trust

It took me a long time to get here fully, but I’m here. I’m not measuring my worth any longer by anything other than how I feel in my skin.
I am embodied. I am whole.
All I can be is the change/example of what I want to see in the world.
Not triggered by my ego or not enoughness.
Just all of me.
It’s so easy to feel like you’re not enough.
Feel like you have something to prove.
ESPECIALLY when you live on a tiny island that everyone always “knows” everyone even though they never truly know.
It’s the equivalent of living in a small town anywhere in the world.
It can stunt you into pure fear. Not wanting to change because the backlash of people telling you you’re crazy and the behind your back talking is crippling.
You end up telling yourself it’s safer to stay the same rather than change anything.
Where I live people are VERY vocal in telling you how they think you should live.
It’s weird I guess it’s our culture? I’m not sure?
But the ones who should love you for all that you are, are usually the worst culprits.
I guess anyone being brave enough to go against the current tends to trigger others.
Old me would have been totally weirded out by all of who I am right now.
But that’s the funny thing in life. I realise now that was just my ignorance.
I was intellectually very smart, but truly I wasn’t actually aware.
I was trapped in this ongoing cycle of thinking what my life was, was all that there was. The only thing missing, that niggle of I’m meant for more – I always equated it with the “right” job. I thought it was because I was supposed to be at some big corporate job using “all of me” mostly that just meant my brains.
I never conceptualised at the time it was spiritual growth I was craving.
Spiritual anything for me was dripped with Catholicism. A religion I very adamantly knew I didn’t want to be associated with. I let it taint all of me. I let it shut me down. I had my own version of what the Universe meant to me.
I believed in energy. But I never went deep enough to explore within myself what that meant.
Everyday as I ground into my spiritual practices a little bit more of what I’m here for flows out of me.
I am accepting this is the journey.

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